Blogtations

Someone's been pranking me. It's gotten to the point that we're about to make the phone company trace the calls. They call me only on my cell, and it involves a lot of heavy breathing. But not in a good way. Sort of like a cross between Darth Vader and Kermit the Frog after he's gone down on Miss Piggy one too many times (which is truly...one too many times.)

~I am Norman

The weekend was made for beer.

~Going Like Sixty 

This morning I woke up with a new purpose, to take our treadmill for a spin...I huffed and puffed through a thirty minute workout, walked over 2 miles and burned...what? Only 200 calories?! The display is clearly malfunctioning.

~Baby Tunnel Exodus

I don't like to take an unprotected left in traffic. It makes me feel completely panicked. I will go around the block and out of my way to enjoy the calm, predictable experience of a Left Turn Arrow or a 4-way stop.

~Chicken Fried Therapy 

Just a question...are you hungry? What have you eaten today? Did it cost you a month's salary? How does a guilt complex taste to you?

~A Life of Perpetual Transition

I'm not scared of terrorists - I'm scared of my own country. I see a government who cares more for large corporations than it does for individuals, and who would rather spend thousands of dollars investigating steroid use in baseball than think up a way to give all Americans basic health coverage.

~A Mommy Story

I do not serve myself or the rest of the world by allowing someone else's stamp of validation to determine whether or not I am living a positive, inspiring, meaningful life.

~Swirly Girl

I park my car at the opposite end of the building where I work...that counts as exercise, right?

~Clusterfook

One might think that adding a second child to the mix might double the time it takes to do anything...Adding a second child actually squares the amount of time it takes to complete a task. What might've taken ten minutes with one child will take one hundred minutes with two.

~Cynical Dad

The last time I woke up pleasantly was, I believe, in the early 1990s.

~Raising Country Kids

I believe my cats can understand everything I say, they just choose to do the complete opposite.

~You are Flawed if You are Not Free

It's time to upgrade your undies, when: 1. It looks like the dog has been chewing on it 2. The dog has actually been chewing on it 3. It is not lifting, separating or reducing what it is supposed to lift, separate or reduce.

~A.R. and Proud

I was very precocious as a child. I was 45 in an 8-year-old body. I used big words that confused my peers. I liked to say "oxymoron" to make people think I was calling them an idiot.

~Imaginary Binky

Somehow a chicken nugget found its way into my root-beer...and I drank the whole thing without noticing.

~Dad Thing

Larger daisies are Osteospermum. I think that means "boner" in Latin. Weird, right? Sadly, they withered within hours. The garden center guarantees their plants, so I thought about returning them but I couldn't get past the part where I whisper to the clerk, These boner flowers aren't into me.

~Whatever Jo