Before you go putting any stock into the latest bit of scholarship describing the "end of men," ask yourself this: Will a vibrator get out of bed in the middle of the night to check out a scary noise? It will not. That technology is still years away.
I went to lunch on Saturday and the waitress asked me if I wanted her to "Cheese down my lasagna." There are two things very wrong with this and they are 1) Cheese is not a verb and 2) CHEESE IS NOT A VERB.
I am 34 years old. I have been wearing mascara for roughly 20 years now. I would say I apply mascara at least 360 days of the year. That allows for 72,000 mascara applications (I'm not even counting the days when I reapply or go out at night and put it on twice in one day). I would think that this would be enough applications that I am able to do it without poking myself in the eye with the mascara wand. I would be wrong to think that.
I opened my eyes to see her looking at me so intently. She was taking in every angle of my face as if trying to memorize every line. It took my breath away to realize how closely she watches me, how often she copies what I say or do, and how much we love each other. There is an incredible bond that exists between mothers and daughters. She held my face in her hands for a few more seconds and gently said, "Mama?" "Yes, baby?" "You have a big hair growing out of your chin."
When you're dating, the quality of the relationship is equal to the amount of time you spend together, and more is better. When you've been married for a few years, the quality of the relationship becomes equal to the amount of time you spend apart, and again, more is better.
Things I hate more than cleaning behind the refrigerator:
1. sticking toothpicks in my eyeballs 2. playing "chicken" with fire ants 3. drinking vegetable oil 4. that classic game "how many crickets can you eat?" 5. the congressmen indicting Jack Bauer 6. discussing curfews with a 14 year old
Whenever I go barefoot in the house, my feet seem to be magically attracted to anything on the floor that shouldn't be there, like needles, thorns, teeny pieces of glass, staples...If something little is lost, I know all I need to do is take off my shoes, and I'll find it in no time. Who needs a metal detector when I have foot-radar?
When you've been married for almost 10 years you know that when your husband asks you to be on top so he can watch you what he really means is he's feeling lazy and his belly's full of chips and salsa.
I spent Saturday afternoon spraying wood stain on the new swing set. Balancing on the top of a ladder with a sprayer isn't the safest process and to make matters worse, I was downwind of the spray. I ended up with red highlights and a spotty fake tan. A girl's gotta multitask when there's no time for pampering.
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