If you can flip yourself into the air and execute a triple somersault before landing effortlessly in a split, WHY on earth would you follow such a thing with rolling around on the mat while doing little fluttery hand movements that cause me to wonder if you're covered with fire ants…?
I was innocently doing my grocery shopping and I turned down the chip aisle, heading straight for the Doritos. Suddenly, I was gasping, coughing, and my eyes began to water. I had just walked into someone else's fart cloud. There were three or four people further down the aisle in front of me, none of whom were looking particularly guilty. Worse, there were two people coming up behind me. Damn the Doritos! Full speed ahead! I didn’t want them to think I did it!
I wore sneakers and sweats to my wedding. My husband wore jeans, engineer boots and a green t-shirt with a skull silk-screen. When our daughter married he wore a full black tux, and I wore a black designer suit and heels. We've come a long way.
When he graduated high school, he said to me: "Mom, I bet you'd thought you would never see this day." To which I replied, because I'm quick that way: "Oh, I knew I would see the day. I just wasn't sure how old you would be when I saw it."
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