Blogtations

I need sunshine. I need warmth. I need the planet to feel like it is alive!

~Living a Quotable Life

Why oh why is the day I go back to work more beautiful than the day I had off?

~Every Little Thing

This morning I was sitting on the toilet doing what one does while sitting on the toilet when I realized the bathroom window was open. How did I realize that? A big gust of wind came along and blew the curtain aside leaving me and all my pants-around-the-ankles glory exposed to the 3 roofers working on the house next door. I hope they enjoyed the show. And by "show" I mean the slapstick comedy that occurred when I sprang up from the toilet, lunged towards the window, tripped over my own pants and nearly crashed through the screen. All without actually managing to close the curtain so that it was just me and my naked ass pressed up against the window.

~Problem Girl

So how do you spell a Wookie roar in text message?

~A Pile of Dog Bones

You may like dinosaurs now, son, but you won't like working for one when you grow up.

~Always Home & Uncool

Don't do illegal drugs. If you are in Amsterdam, however, where certain pharmaceuticals are legal, find someone who actually knows how to roll that thing up for you. Nothing says "ugly American tourist" quite like walking the canals while shy an eyebrow.

~Always Home & Uncool

In picking a girlfriend, "family history of mental stability" almost always beats "looks hot in those jeans."

~Always Home & Uncool

 Q.Does being an at-home dad make you feel like less of a man?
A.Yes, but I make up for it in beer consumption and poor hygiene.
A.No. Do you feel like more of a jerk for asking?
A.Yes..yes, it does.Excuse me, I need to cry now
A.Not after I restore the balance by opening this can of whoop-ass on you.

~Always Home & Uncool

Whoever said "Silence is golden"… never knew a 3 year old who was supposed to be taking a nap.

~Jenny on the Spot

Folks, my cup runneth over with mucus and I am now that proverbial mommy with shmears of snot decorating her clothes. It looks as if I have been herding snails over here.

~Rancid Raves

I walk into the new Verizon store...and I am met at the door by a greeter!! Seriously...a greeter, and not a nice friendly retired person like WalMart...no this is a line backer looking woman with an attitude.

~Welcome to Our World

If my last name were "Boner"... I would really rethink the army career decision. Because it's really not cool when I have to talk to a person on the phone and call them "Major Boner."

~I am Norman

When my kids ask me something that I don't understand I'm not going to ask them "what?" anymore. They repeat themselves about 642 more times regardless. I should save that energy for taking another bite of my cookie.

~Mama's Losin It

Have you noticed that the things we want to take notice of are almost always yellow (like school buses and post-it notes)? Single women should wear more yellow shirts.

~Pickled Beef

The next time the Bad Thing happens, don't ask why. Just do what you need to make it better. If you can just exercise that moment of self-restraint, your life will be so much happier for it.

~Red Stapler

To our Holy Trinity of Takeout (aka Boston Market, Kit's Thai Kitchen, and Domino's Pizza): Thank you for your continued existence. Without you, my family would be subsisting on a weekly diet of rice cakes, frozen turkey sausage, and rotting bananas.

~Manager Mom

I wish I had a "mark all as read" for my life.

~Does This Blog Make Us Look Fat?

At what time is it appropriate to say, "There's no point showering today, I'll just catch one tomorrow"?

~Ice Cream Mama

Public Service Announcement: Under no circumstances should you apply Chapstick, lip balm, or any other ointment to your lips prior to cutting grass on a windy day.

~Nine Acres

My hubby's definition of sexy: Watching me catch a lot of fish. My definition of sexy: My hubby asking me how I'm catching them.

~We are THAT Family