Blogtations

I think what my family remembers most about our Thanksgivings together is the vision of me in the kitchen at 4 a.m. on Thanksgiving morning. There I am in my ripped gown, my hair frazzled in unattractive swoops, my unshaven legs peeping out above my mismatched fuzzy slippers-my breath like a halitosis tornado and my unbound breasts swaying like water balloons every time I bend over. There is the yearly vision of me with the hairdryer in one hand-the other hand prying open every possible turkey orifice in an attempt to thaw out the ice chips that failed to melt overnight in the giant bird.

~Porch Ponderings

It is a scientifically proven fact that the world only makes sense about 14% of the time. Slightly less on Mondays.

~The Jannaverse

Note to self: No more Web cosmetics purchases. I can't believe you didn't learn your lesson after the Japanese electric eyelash-curler incident. And the "earthy" perfume incident. And the navy-blue mascara incident. And the iridescent-body-glitter incident. And the I-just-baked-a-cake-on-my-face foundation incident. And the lipstick-that-made-you-look-like-that-dude-from-The-Cure incident. New rule: you are not allowed to buy anything while sitting down.

~Life Just Keeps Getting Weirder

SEO stands for Stash of Emergency Opiates.

~Deb on the Rocks

For those of you unfamiliar with the practice, the word Yoga is Sanskrit and it derives from screams of beginning practitioners, which sound as follows: "YOW-OH-GOD-AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

~Cup O' Joe

As a first-time parent, you will spend nearly half of your waking hours trying to figure out How To Make Things Okay with your child. Any number of things can cause your child to launch into a crying fit and it's your job to assess Why and What to do to resolve the issue as quickly as possible. The more frustrating the issue, such as uncontrollable out of the blue temper tantrums, the greater the joy when you resolve it. Perhaps you end a tantrum by playing Watch Daddy Dance With Underwear on His Head (not that I would ever do that). And maybe the Underwear Dance stops the tantrum cold and makes Everything Okay. Well, before you get too excited and start making a mental note of how to stop the tantrums with the Underwear Dance, you might want to think twice. What worked today, will not necessarily work tomorrow. In fact, I can almost guarantee you that it won't. Your child is just as likely to scream bloody murder the next time they see you don a pair of underwear on your head. (Not that I know from firsthand knowledge).

~Blogger Dad

Good thing I never got one of those talking scales from the Sharper Image catalog...Because if I did, mine would be saying, "Girlfriend, what? Did you think you could make a batch of triple layer cookie bars for the kids over the weekend, eat half the pan, and NOT gain a pound?"

~Stop Screaming I'm Driving

Nathan told me today why God gets to do whatever He wants. Cause He doesn't have a mom and a dad.

~Four by 40

Love and resentment cannot live in the same heart. Eventually one of them has to die.

~Aria'z Ink

You know you're broke when you skip the Peppermint Latte at Starbucks because you don't want to pay the extra 60 cents, instead, you still get a latte—you just chew up your Dentyne Ice gum and stick it in the cup.

~Chelsea Talks Smack

I've figured out how to get rich even in these tough economic times. I'm going to give people a penny for their thoughts and in return they'll give me their two cents. My dream of becoming a billionaire is only 100,000,000,000 transactions away!

~Cup O' Joe

I want to know why they put pockets on infant clothing.

~The Mommy Logs

Sometimes when I sneeze, I follow it up with a quiet little "Yesss!" This is because I believe that after having 2 children, if you can sneeze and NOT let just a little bit of wee out, it deserves a celebration.

~Killing a Fly with a Ukulele is Probably the Wrong Thing to Do

"Nicolaus...why are you naked?"
"Well you SAID I could change out of those regular clothes when we got home. This is my Indian costume."
"Okay but why are you naked?"
"I'm not. I'm wearing a shirt."
"Right but I can totally see your -"
"I'm also wearing my headband. See? That is so people will know I'm a real Indian and not just a boy with no pants."

~Electric Boogaloo

500th Blogtation!

It has recently become glaringly apparent to me that blogging, unfortunately, is not a cardio-vascular activity. Imagine my chagrin. In fact, not only does writing not get your heart rate up and whittle your waistline, it appears that it can actually give you a big ol' blogger's butt. Or so I've heard.

~Baby Bloomr

Note to Self: Do NOT get a bikini wax from someone who just found out her boyfriend is sleeping with someone else.

~I Found a Fatal Flaw in the Logic of Love

I love humankind, but I'm not all that interested in actual people.

~Flurrious

Our current voice mail message is a very generic computer generated voice that simply states, "Please leave a message." I keep thinking I'll change it to something more specific and personal, but if I were going to be completely honest it would probably say, "Please leave a message. I'm home right now but I'm currently being sucked into a vortex of estrogen and dog hair. When the mood swings subside and I can actually find more than 2 minutes to talk on the phone at home without being interrupted by a human child or a canine child, say in about 15 years or so, I'll call you back. Thanks. In the mean time, please feel free to send hard liquor, dog treats, and a lint brush. Oh, and the girls like fruit snacks. The last time I checked, I couldn't convince them that doggy peanut butter treats were gourmet Barbie bonbons."

~Blonde Mom Blog

I tend to think of my hair as benign - something that, while not ideal, isn't worth the pain of major surgery.

~Bright Yellow World

My family has a strange recurring disease that I'm not sure how to cure. Its technical name is 'walk-in-the-house-and-drop-everything-wherever-you-want-itis'. I'm not sure how that translates into Latin...Anyone know of a vaccine? A purple face is not my best look.

~Tired Mama