Blogtations

When you've been married for almost 10 years you know that when your husband asks you to be on top so he can watch you what he really means is he's feeling lazy and his belly's full of chips and salsa.

~Yellow Trash Diaries

How to tell when your writing career has completely stalled: You have started putting your byline on the grocery lists.

~Suburban Kamikaze

I'm convinced toddler ears are tuned to a special frequency that allows them to hear the opening of a package of candy from anywhere in the house.

~Momma Says

What's the difference between love and hemorrhoids? Hemorrhoids last forever.

~Mothergoosemouse

Getting your husband to ask for directions to the Grand Canyon is like asking him to fork over his penis. Getting him to admit he's actually lost is like asking him to fork over his penis but not before sprinkling it with glitter, wrapping it up in a bright, red, shiny bow, placing it on a silver platter and presenting it to you while singing karaoke to Don't Cry For Me, Argentina.

~The Creative Junkie

Just got my Air Canada Super Saver email. The super saver is an email flyer with all of AC's latest deals, and it sucks ass. Today's carries the fancy catch phrase: Fares so low you might never go home. I think it would be more appropriate if it said something like: If these fares are low you might never go home because you could only afford the one way ticket!

~Adventures of the Reluctant Housewife

iPology n. 1. Spontaneous display of remorse following the confiscation of a teenager's mp3 player.

~Suburban Kamikaze

My life would be so much easier if my family would quit eating and learn to go naked!

~Life in Left Field

I spent Saturday afternoon spraying wood stain on the new swing set. Balancing on the top of a ladder with a sprayer isn't the safest process and to make matters worse, I was downwind of the spray. I ended up with red highlights and a spotty fake tan. A girl's gotta multitask when there's no time for pampering.

~Half as Good as You

Never assume that you're stuck with the way things are. Things can get way shittier.

~Ask the Bloggess

Do you know how hard it is to get two kids ready AND put a bra on in 28 minutes? I've not been raised to move that fast.

~Stretch Marks

The five most wonderful words in the English language are, "Are you ready to order?"

~Obi-Mom Kenobi

Most kids don't think about regurgital etiquette in the heat of the moment. Usually it's a barftacular mess. Puke on the sheets, puke on the floor, puke on the pajamas. There have been nights when my wife and I spent hours cleaning up chunks of meat sauce and pedialyte only to find ourselves gagging in tandem until the sun came up. I'm not sure what made the difference this time. I'm not sure what triggered that little inner voice in her head to say, "I'm gonna be a little debutante tonight and heave with dignity and grace. I'm gonna make my pappa proud." You know what? I couldn't care less why it happened. You don't question miracles. You take life's little gifts as they are handed to you and you savor them like gobstoppers or White Castle cheeseburgers.

~Out-Numbered

One of life's great tragedies is the inability to pursue all that stirs the heart.

~My Name is Mommy