Did you ever notice how many things no one tells you about parenting before you have kids? I'm not talking about how you'll never sleep again. Plenty of people told me that. No, I mean the little things. For instance, no one ever told me that I would actually say things like, "You're not allowed to stick your finger in the dog's butt."
For the better part of a day, I've been craving an apple. Not just any apple–a big red macintosh apple cut up into pieces for me to devour in an easy manner. I thought this was because the secretary that sits outside of my office had an apple. I wondered how an apple so small could create such a big fragrance that would have me, sitting in my office, drooling over its delicious scent. Then I remembered...I put an air freshener in here today...The scent? Macintosh Apple. Sometimes it takes me awhile to be as clever as the average bear.
Do you know what's awesome? You can lie around in bed all day with your plaid adult version of a child's security blanket, consuming Doritos and crunchy coffee from a three-day-old mug, and your cats will have no idea that you are completely pathetic and probably undermedicated.
I was trying to snap a photo of a mysterious Columbine that sprouted up in my front planter. I didn't plant it. I suspect renegade vermin poop. I figure, if deer are going to munch the heads off all my flowers, it seems only fitting that they might plant something in return.
Few farm and ranch wives will admonish a young bride about the pitfalls of partnering with an agriculturally inclined man. No one wants to spoil her dream of riding off into the sunset on horseback by explaining that she will be left behind to close the gate and pick up the 14 calves that are trying to turn back away from the cows.
It's time to upgrade your undies, when: 1. It looks like the dog has been chewing on it 2. The dog has actually been chewing on it 3. It is not lifting, separating or reducing what it is supposed to lift, separate or reduce.
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