Blogtations

Normally I would object to grown women wearing any sort of Disney character clothing because nothing says "I have the mentality of a preschooler" like wearing Winnie the Poo across your tits...

~Crissy

Do not wear to yoga: Baggy t-shirt. For a very simple reason; a large number of yoga poses involve a version of standing on your head. When you stand on your head in a baggy t-shirt, your shirt falls over your face, and your belly hangs down. Not exactly the perfect scenario for true yoga enlightenment, relaxation, and ease—let me assure you.

~Absolutely Bananas

So I had to buy some new shorts for our upcoming vacation because the ones I had last year? Yeah, no. They're a definite no. go. I'm too damn fat for them this year. There was overspill muffin top and camel toe inducing tightness and society says that doesn't look nice and so I must obey. And last year's itsy bitsy teeny weeny bikini? Also not so much this year. It looks more like a tourniquet so I have to get a new one of those too so my ass doesn't turn blue from lack of circulation because nobody likes a blue assed girl. I think society should pay for the new shorts and the new bikini since they're the ones who are being such assholes about the whole thing.

~Crissy

I dug out my collection of swimsuits...tried them on, and promptly had a mini-heart attack. And that was just looking at the front of me in the mirror. There's no way I'm going traumatize myself by trying to see my other side.

~Junie Moon

Folks, my cup runneth over with mucus and I am now that proverbial mommy with shmears of snot decorating her clothes. It looks as if I have been herding snails over here.

~Rancid Raves

Disease: Hat Head (Planopilicephaly)
Epidemiology: Sporadic cases throughout year; Seasonal peak in the months of May and June. No predilection for race or gender. Children are relatively protected from mass seasonal outbreaks.
Symptoms: Hair assumes flattened distorted shape after wearing popular head accessory. Pain is rare (aside from psychic/ego pain). Plagiocephaly (flattening of skull bones) usually does not occur unless a metal hat is worn (and put on with a sledgehammer). May be associated with Forehead Line and Bang Crush Injury.

~Where’s My Cape?

It's time to upgrade your undies, when: 1. It looks like the dog has been chewing on it 2. The dog has actually been chewing on it 3. It is not lifting, separating or reducing what it is supposed to lift, separate or reduce.

~A.R. and Proud

"Important" is a word which varies based on who is using it, for example my boyfriend Al Gore may say he has important things happening in his life and you know, he's getting the Nobel Peace Prize. Usually when I speak of important things happening in my life it means I finally found a brand of panties that don't ride up.

~Crazy Aunt Purl

I wore sneakers and sweats to my wedding. My husband wore jeans, engineer boots and a green t-shirt with a skull silk-screen. When our daughter married he wore a full black tux, and I wore a black designer suit and heels. We've come a long way.

~Blogjem

I temporarily lost my mind last night while we were at the mall and went into Forever 21. Who was I kidding? I think that store ought to be named "Hideously Unflattering to Everyone Over 21."

~Hairline Fracture

It's amazing how much laundry can pile up and how odd my outfits become when we ignore washing our clothes for, say, 2 years.

~Imaginary Binky

Flannel jammies make me happy.

~Psychicgeek

I enjoy confrontation like a sandpaper thong.

~Mrs. Flinger

In Minnesota, it's been a balmy 40-some degrees for the past few days, which means people are traipsing about in shorts and flip-flops because apparently the thing to do when it's finally warm enough not to see your breath outside is to dress insensibly enough as to ensure you're still as cold as you've been for the past five months.

~Stefanie Says 

Apparently the garbage bin marked "Recycling Only" means "perfect place to put a lone dirty sock."

~Sizzle Says