Blogtations

First, mommy should under no circumstances fill a brightly colored cup with whipped cream, sugar, carmel, mocha, and coffee, drink about two-thirds of it, and then leave it within climbing distance. Second, you never, ever, ever want to be anywhere near a toddler that has drunk a third of a cup of coffee. Ever. Third, coffee is a fairly effective diarrhetic.

~Dadicals

The cost of a venti/bold red-eye at the Hilton Starbucks (with half and half and three sweet and lows)? Priceless. The look of the workers and hundreds of clients (or 20) of said Starbucks as I went screaming out of the establishment? Priceless. How I looked running at the Speed of Light with coffee flying everywhere and screaming as I crossed the street on a RED LIGHT?? Priceless. The look on face of the driver of the tow-truck that was hooking up my car in the no-parking zone of the bank across the street of the Starbucks as I CRIED and CRIED??? Priceless. The looks on the faces of the rich people from the HILTON patio who were watching in somewhat embarrassed amusement? Priceless. The cost of NOT having him tow my car? $25.00. CASH. (He was a cold hearted bastard.)

~I Need a Martini Mom

The wine opener is my favorite gadget. Without it I'd probably resort to a hammer. Glass shards and shiraz rarely mix.

~The UnMom

I have found the equivalent to legal crack...black tea. Holy mother of God. I think I have lost 5 pounds just from the heart palpitations.

~Sarah's Blogtastic Adventures

Okay this is just sad. I accidentally just put my cigarette out in my coffee. Sadder? Totally decided to drink it anyway.

~QuietGirl Talking Loudly

Happiness is finding a liquor store in Utah.

~The Benevolent Dictator

You know you're broke when you skip the Peppermint Latte at Starbucks because you don't want to pay the extra 60 cents, instead, you still get a latte—you just chew up your Dentyne Ice gum and stick it in the cup.

~Chelsea Talks Smack

I'm angry that coffee doesn't taste like it smells. According to my understanding of the way the world works, having conducted extensive studies using instant lemonade powder, nestle quik, and cake mix, eating a spoonful of coffee grounds should be the absolute most delicious thing available on our planet. But no.

~Electric Boogaloo

You know you're drunk when you openly admit owning every 98 Degrees album.

~Chelsea Talks Smack

Dear Mom,
You know the window I broke while you all were in Disney World and I was watching the house just after I got back from my freshman year of college? Well it wasn't a broom that broke it when I was cleaning. It was my friend's head when she drank too much of the punch.

~The Road Less Unraveled

The vending machine at work sells Diet Dr. Pepper. I consider this an act of God.

~Long Story Short

People think I'm drunk even when I'm dead sober because I'm filterless and stupid and fall a lot and so I basically have what I call "the three-drink handicap". Everyone else in the world after 3 cocktails = me just waking up.

~The Bloggess

They say that you are only as old as you feel. I say, bullshit. How old you are is how long it takes you to recover from a hangover.

~Miss Britt

When I was 17, my dad took me to the Hofbrau House in Munich. He bought me a laughably gigantic mug of beer (which I pretended was my first). "Son," he said to me. "But Dad, I'm a girl." He replied, "Just humor me for a few minutes."

~Manager Mom

Note to Self: For once in your life, learn from your mistakes. Next time you feel a sneeze coming on… Put. The. Coffee. Down.

~Therapy in the Making

I drink sixteen shots of espresso a day. At least it isn't street drugs.

~Mommas Tantrum

I like Piña Coladas, and getting caught in the rain, but not making love at midnight. Hey, I have three little kids, I can't just be putting out at all hours of the day and night.

~Paper Napkin

The weekend was made for beer.

~Going Like Sixty 

Take a big cup of strong coffee with an equal amount of Baileys, mix it all together and voila! You have a pretty relaxing workday!

~The Road Less Unraveled

Bad coffee is better than no coffee.

~Living a Quotable Life