Blogtations

At about 9, I changed and nursed a surprisingly fussy little girl. When I lifted her to my shoulder to burp, I was pleased to hear a big one. And then I felt something warm run DOWN. MY. BACK. Oh, and wait. In my hair. All over my pillow. All over the sheets. I wiped everything off and got dressed. Then I brushed out my solidified hair. Whatever. I think part of being a mommy is that you smell like barf most of the time. Still, there's nothing like a little barf in your butt-crack first thing in the morning, right?

~Haiku Baby

When I was a brand-new first-time Mum, I learned that the worst part of being terribly short-sighted is changing dirty nighttime nappies. Without contact lenses, you have to get extremely close to the -err- project to do a good cleanup job. And of course, 'extremely close' is the least desirable place to be.

~Killing a Fly with a Ukulele is Probably the Wrong Thing to Do

New mothers often wonder why babies cry so much, and can't sleep for long stretches without requiring their parents' input. I don't wonder anymore. I know why. Babies require regular input because mothers must not be allowed to sleep for long periods of time. Certainly they must never be allowed to sleep and sleep until they have enough and are fully rested. And this is why: If a mother allowed her body to sleep until it woke up of its own accord, she would starve to death.

~Killing a Fly with a Ukulele is Probably the Wrong Thing to Do

Before I was a mother, I worked eight hours a day, five days a week. Now that I'm a mother, I work 14 hours a day, seven days a week.

~Believer in Balance

Folks, my cup runneth over with mucus and I am now that proverbial mommy with shmears of snot decorating her clothes. It looks as if I have been herding snails over here.

~Rancid Raves

Like heroin chic, only with less pep, mommy chic seems destined to find its way to the pages of Vogue, where concealer will be so last year, replaced by products that accentuate under-eye circles.

~Suburban Kamikaze

Remember, mommy is always 2 seconds away from crazy.

~Miss Britt

Just when I was getting the hang of the whole motherhood thing, just when she had learned to hang up the towel in the bathroom and put her dishes in the dishwasher, she up and left for college.

~Miz S

Motherhood is an emotional rollercoaster ride with all the highs and lows, twists and turns, and nauseating moments you get from the one at your local amusement park. However, unlike your typical two-minute ride, this one lasts a lifetime and begins moments after you pee on a stick.

~Believer in Balance

Motherhood has changed me. Before I became a mother, I was the sort of person who would cautiously nibble the toes off a gingerbread man first. Now that I'm a mother, the first thing I do is maul the head off. I like to hear it crack.

~Killing a Fly with a Ukulele is Probably the Wrong Thing to Do

Motherhood doesn't automatically come with the knowledge of how to clean up vomit.

~Ashley's Closet