Blogtations

Normally I would object to grown women wearing any sort of Disney character clothing because nothing says "I have the mentality of a preschooler" like wearing Winnie the Poo across your tits...

~Crissy

Egg is to Dooce as sperm is to ... the rest of us.

~Mommy Pie

I hate it when people counter my excuse-making lies with solutions.

~The Crseum

HIGHLIGHTED BLOG! All the quotes today are from the mahvelous I Do Things So You Don't Have To. Things JD and I have in common: we hate flying, we love Gregory House, we don't wear high-heeled shoes. Things we don't have in common: I've never drunk a bug or had a Brazillion wax.
Think I'll keep it that way.

I feel safer on a plane when it's taking off or landing. I know: statistically, these are the most dangerous times. But I figure, if you crash closer to the ground, you'll sustain fewer injuries, right?

~I Do Things So You Don't Have To

I have to stress: we're not nudists. We just like hanging out nude sometimes...in public...with other nude people. What distinguishes us from nudists is that this is not a lifestyle. It's a vacation. We don't play nude volleyball or hang out at trailer camps with nude families. Swimming nude is fun. Eating barbecue nude is not.

~I Do Things So You Don't Have To

Anything involving diving, I pretty much won't do. There's a reason God put my feet on the bottom and my head on top.

~I Do Things So You Don't Have To

You and I may have different ideas about what exactly “bite the bullet” means in the context of house cleaning. To you, it might mean setting aside an entire day to clean the hell out of your house: scraping dried pancake batter from the ceiling, vacuuming up cat toys, and shoveling out the dust from behind the sofa. To me, “bite the bullet” means finally just bending down and picking up that piece of green pepper on the floor instead of kicking it out of my way 100 times a day.

~I Do Things So You Don't Have To

Alcoholics have their booze, smokers have their cigarettes, crackheads have their...crack. As an editor, trivia buff, curious human, and language snob with a constant need to prove people wrong, I have Google.

~I Do Things So You Don't Have To

QUOTE GAME: Got some thoughts about prices at the pump? Use the word "gas" (and it must be as in fuel not as in fart!) in a comment. I'll share one or two next Monday.

 

cartoon by Cox and Forkum

My husband cleaned the bathrooms, God bless him, but broke the toilet seat off one of the toilets. How is this possible? Broke an entire toilet seat off its hinges? Men, if you're going to help clean the house, don't do it in the manner you would, say, play football. Cleaning a toilet needn't be a race nor a destructive act. It just needs to be wiped down — gently.

~The Junk Drawer

I like other people when they're not being stupid.

~Blogography

When I was 17, my dad took me to the Hofbrau House in Munich. He bought me a laughably gigantic mug of beer (which I pretended was my first). "Son," he said to me. "But Dad, I'm a girl." He replied, "Just humor me for a few minutes."

~Manager Mom

Sometimes the best thing to do is to go back to bed and start the day all over again...

~Dragonfly Dreaming

The older I get, the more past there is to try to save...while my capacity for storage—both physical and emotional capacity—diminishes, in seemingly equal measure. Holding on is a losing strategy. Not that there's any winning strategy, of course.

~Oblivio

Do not wear to yoga: Baggy t-shirt. For a very simple reason; a large number of yoga poses involve a version of standing on your head. When you stand on your head in a baggy t-shirt, your shirt falls over your face, and your belly hangs down. Not exactly the perfect scenario for true yoga enlightenment, relaxation, and ease—let me assure you.

~Absolutely Bananas

You can lead a child to the toilet, but you cannot make him pee.

~Four by 40

I was just watching the hummingbirds at the feeder and had to wonder...Why is it such an amazing thing that their wings flutter at like 500 times per second. I mean really, they drink sugar water all day. Good grief. Anybody wanna go on the Sugar Water diet with me? No wonder those birds are so tiny.

~The Heart of Hospitality

It's a big holiday weekend in the U.S. A weekend where complete idiots can buy flammable stuff that blows up, drink copious amounts of alcohol, and then try their hand at grilling and chopping things with large kitchen knives, with the additional attraction of having relatives around that they hate (who are also drinking, and likely have knives, or quite possibly firearms.) Yes, it's 4th of July weekend! I imagine that shows like COPS get enough material for a whole season just over this one weekend.

~Shaping My Way

OPEN SEASON! I love quote hunting and am always on the lookout for unexplored territory. So, if you know of some great blogs out there leave the links in a comment. I'll take an expedition through their archives and see what I can find.

Also, the votes are in and the May Blogtation is by Geese Aplenty, who will not however be freezing in place like Judd Nelson in the final frame of The Breakfast Club. Voting is now open for your favorite June quote!

Note To Single Dads: When you're running with your 9-year-old son while pushing your 4-year-old daughter in a stroller, the ladies shoot you all kinds of love beams. Big smiles. Pockets full of digits. Lace up those shoes.

~The Wind in Your Vagina

No matter what my stylist does to my hair, it ends up the same. Lots of pouf on the top and little flippy things in the vicinity of my ears. I wish I could just get old enough for the old lady perm and be done with it.

~Plain-Jane

I break out in bitch when exposed to clutter.

~Juggling Life

So I had to buy some new shorts for our upcoming vacation because the ones I had last year? Yeah, no. They're a definite no. go. I'm too damn fat for them this year. There was overspill muffin top and camel toe inducing tightness and society says that doesn't look nice and so I must obey. And last year's itsy bitsy teeny weeny bikini? Also not so much this year. It looks more like a tourniquet so I have to get a new one of those too so my ass doesn't turn blue from lack of circulation because nobody likes a blue assed girl. I think society should pay for the new shorts and the new bikini since they're the ones who are being such assholes about the whole thing.

~Crissy

Swimsuit shopping with 2 kids is, I believe, in the 8th circle of hell.

~Amy Writes