I know that we call it "mating" socks when folding them into pairs. But, I'm just a little uncomfortable with it. I mean, really, do we ever expect to unfold a pair of "mated" socks and find a little baby sock inside?!?
When you've been married for almost 10 years you know that when your husband asks you to be on top so he can watch you what he really means is he's feeling lazy and his belly's full of chips and salsa.
Getting your husband to ask for directions to the Grand Canyon is like asking him to fork over his penis. Getting him to admit he's actually lost is like asking him to fork over his penis but not before sprinkling it with glitter, wrapping it up in a bright, red, shiny bow, placing it on a silver platter and presenting it to you while singing karaoke to Don't Cry For Me, Argentina.
Just got my Air Canada Super Saver email. The super saver is an email flyer with all of AC's latest deals, and it sucks ass. Today's carries the fancy catch phrase: Fares so low you might never go home. I think it would be more appropriate if it said something like: If these fares are low you might never go home because you could only afford the one way ticket!
I spent Saturday afternoon spraying wood stain on the new swing set. Balancing on the top of a ladder with a sprayer isn't the safest process and to make matters worse, I was downwind of the spray. I ended up with red highlights and a spotty fake tan. A girl's gotta multitask when there's no time for pampering.
Most kids don't think about regurgital etiquette in the heat of the moment. Usually it's a barftacular mess. Puke on the sheets, puke on the floor, puke on the pajamas. There have been nights when my wife and I spent hours cleaning up chunks of meat sauce and pedialyte only to find ourselves gagging in tandem until the sun came up. I'm not sure what made the difference this time. I'm not sure what triggered that little inner voice in her head to say, "I'm gonna be a little debutante tonight and heave with dignity and grace. I'm gonna make my pappa proud." You know what? I couldn't care less why it happened. You don't question miracles. You take life's little gifts as they are handed to you and you savor them like gobstoppers or White Castle cheeseburgers.
My daughter is grounded, and it's way worse on me then on her, I do believe. Anyway, grounded from TV, the phone and video games, she is pretty bored and is spending all her time baking. And making marshmallow fondant, which I find inexplicably irresistible. I may have to unground her just to save my waistline.
Blogtations does not assert any claim of copyright for individual quotations. All quotations remain the intellectual property of their respective originators and are reposted here with their written permission.
The views expressed are those of the original authors and do not necessarily reflect the views of Blogtations. Also, because a blog is linked to for attribution does not mean Blogtations condones all the content on that blog.