Blogtations

Most kids don't think about regurgital etiquette in the heat of the moment. Usually it's a barftacular mess. Puke on the sheets, puke on the floor, puke on the pajamas. There have been nights when my wife and I spent hours cleaning up chunks of meat sauce and pedialyte only to find ourselves gagging in tandem until the sun came up. I'm not sure what made the difference this time. I'm not sure what triggered that little inner voice in her head to say, "I'm gonna be a little debutante tonight and heave with dignity and grace. I'm gonna make my pappa proud." You know what? I couldn't care less why it happened. You don't question miracles. You take life's little gifts as they are handed to you and you savor them like gobstoppers or White Castle cheeseburgers.

~Out-Numbered

Dancing is infectious and how awesome is it to have something infectious that does not involve pus and penicillin and frequent urination?

~The Creative Junkie

If he tells you that you make chickenpox sexy, then he loves you. He's lying, but he loves you.

~It's Like, I'm...mmmagic!

My family has a strange recurring disease that I'm not sure how to cure. Its technical name is 'walk-in-the-house-and-drop-everything-wherever-you-want-itis'. I'm not sure how that translates into Latin...Anyone know of a vaccine? A purple face is not my best look.

~Tired Mama

My grandmother often had a bit of the hypochondria and once I brought her a plant to cheer her day and make her feel better. She asked me to take it out of the room because it was stealing her oxygen.

~Arbitrary Ruminations

My head feels like it could implode at any moment, or maybe explode - I am not clear on which - but it hurts whatever 'ploding it is going to do.

~Mommas Tantrum (who can now be found here)

My last few days have been wrecked by a gruesome combination of the flu, bronchitis and insomnia. I can’t sleep. I can't sing. And I've taken to mainlining Diet Dr Pepper.

~Chicken Fried Therapy

Did I mention that I was diagnosed with hypertension two weeks ago? … So I'm supposed to avoid salt and smoking and alcohol and sex and happiness, the doc says, and this sucking the joy out of life will result in lowered blood pressure and an increased life span without salt and smoking and alcohol and sex and happiness.

~I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Wino

What I thought — and this went on for several years — was a brain haemorrhage, was a trapped nerve in my neck, cured coincidentally by the combined bad driving of my sister and a little old lady on a hara-kiri mission.

~Scary Duck

I woke with a hangover, which is very unfair, as I wasn't drinking last night.

~Grandad

The flu can indeed be interchanged with Weight Watchers. There is no point value assigned to food whatsoever because what you are able to stomach won't stay there long and cough drops have 0 points.

~Petroville

Motherhood doesn't automatically come with the knowledge of how to clean up vomit.

~Ashley's Closet

Playing dumb gives me a headache.

~From My Perspective

I feel like a dog turd that someone hammered with a mallet and then set on fire in front of Jabba the Hut’s door, and he fell for the gag, so he stomped me out with his slimy tail-thing.

~Sarcastic Mom

Do you ever have one of those weeks where you know that you’re coming down with the flu or scurvy or PMS and you want to just keel over and curl up in the fetal position but you can’t because there is table side prepared guacamole and pomegranate margaritas in your future?

~No Pasa Nada