(Sorry, but the Awards are on hiatus for the moment)
Do you know how hard it is to get two kids ready AND put a bra on in 28 minutes? I've not been raised to move that fast.
Do you ever get the feeling your brain is curled up just rocking back and forth in a corner of your head, banging its frontal lobe on your skull, maybe moaning a little?
I object to raisins in cookies. They are just masquerading as chocolate chips to deceive the nearsighted.
I'd like to say I'll have 3 times as much sex in 2009 as I did in 2008 but my elementary math skills tell me that 3 times 0 is still, sadly, 0.
Everything in Disney World is shaped like Mickey Mouse's head. Sandwiches, plates, pancakes. I was honestly afraid to ask for a tampon.
Note to Self: Do NOT get a bikini wax from someone who just found out her boyfriend is sleeping with someone else.
OCTOBER *winner of Blogtation of the Year*
Life would be so kick ass if we periodically broke out into perfectly choreographed song and dance routines. At the very least, it would keep my friends from looking at me uncomfortably when I do this now.
Let me warn you that today I am sporting PMS colored glasses.
The world is an entirely different place at 6 in the morning.
When I was 17, my dad took me to the Hofbrau House in Munich. He bought me a laughably gigantic mug of beer (which I pretended was my first). "Son," he said to me. "But Dad, I'm a girl." He replied, "Just humor me for a few minutes."
At what time is it appropriate to say, "There's no point showering today, I'll just catch one tomorrow"?
When something good or triumphant happens to you, do you ever pump your hand into the sunset and freeze in place, just like Judd Nelson in the final frame of The Breakfast Club? Right, me neither, I was just wondering if you did.
I temporarily lost my mind last night while we were at the mall and went into Forever 21. Who was I kidding? I think that store ought to be named "Hideously Unflattering to Everyone Over 21."
I glued myself to a tacky Christmas ornament at work in July and spent two hours trying to help customers without letting on that my right-handed self had a ceramic puppy driving a choo-choo train glued to her right hand.
There are few things that scar a parent for life worse than the potty training years.