There is an unspoken rule of the office restroom, which I believe is not limited to my own office building. When someone enters the restroom and one of the stalls is occupied and silent, this typically means the occupant is waiting for the intruder to leave before continuing with, um, her issues. The intruder therefore understands that she needs to finish her activities quickly or submit a silent challenge to the original occupant, the message being, "I don't care how tight your buns are. I'm waiting you out." Then, a period of stressed silence ensues, broken only by a goading warning cough or an "ahem" retort before someone flushes, thus throwing in her white towel, (or toilet tissue) and leaves the restroom...so the winner can proceed with her, you know, victory ceremony.
Engineers really get a bad rep. Everybody makes us out to be pretty darn lame, but I don't think there is a single profession out there with more dirty jokes worked into the lingo...For example, take the term "partial penetration butt weld." Can anybody read that without having a flashback to junior high?
Have you ever been at work, enjoying a nice snack of animal crackers while returning emails, finishing super fun reports, etc when you drop one of the crackers down into your cleavage? And then you push back your head to see how deep the little monkey has fallen, then pull your shirt from your chest and reach into to the depths to retrieve it? And then a new faculty member pops into your office to learn about health insurance options while your hand is very conspicuously rooting around between your boobs? Awesome.
The Ladies room is shared by 40 of my closest co-workers...Sometimes I walk in there and the joint is rank and I'm tempted to just get on the PA system and say: "Attention library employees. If something is tearing the ass out of you and you're going to blow it up in the Ladies room, for the love of God woman, USE THE SPRAY so I don't feel like I've just stepped into your rotting colon. Thank you."
Note to Self: Remember from now on that whenever you watch "Breakfast at Tiffany's" you will be calling everyone "daaaahling" for at least 2 days. It's an undesired side-effect that will embarrass you in several occasions especially when you speak to your boss…
I glued myself to a tacky Christmas ornament at work in July and spent two hours trying to help customers without letting on that my right-handed self had a ceramic puppy driving a choo-choo train glued to her right hand.
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