Blogtations

I always wonder why it is so easy to get out of bed at 5 am to go fishing, but it is so difficult to get up at 5 am to go to work.

~Wizard of Otin

There is an unspoken rule of the office restroom, which I believe is not limited to my own office building. When someone enters the restroom and one of the stalls is occupied and silent, this typically means the occupant is waiting for the intruder to leave before continuing with, um, her issues. The intruder therefore understands that she needs to finish her activities quickly or submit a silent challenge to the original occupant, the message being, "I don't care how tight your buns are. I'm waiting you out." Then, a period of stressed silence ensues, broken only by a goading warning cough or an "ahem" retort before someone flushes, thus throwing in her white towel, (or toilet tissue) and leaves the restroom...so the winner can proceed with her, you know, victory ceremony.

~Sprite's Keeper

Engineers really get a bad rep. Everybody makes us out to be pretty darn lame, but I don't think there is a single profession out there with more dirty jokes worked into the lingo...For example, take the term "partial penetration butt weld." Can anybody read that without having a flashback to junior high?

~Interstitial Life

This job is so freaking hard, and I have a feeling my performance review is not going to set me up for a promotion. Although, really, what do you get promoted to from Mother? God?

~You Get What You Get

One disadvantage of working from home. When I worked in an office never once did I have to get up from my desk to wipe someone’s butt. Not once.

~Sarah and the Goon Squad

Nothing says "Good Morning Monday!" quite like finding two flies copulating on your windshield as you depart for work in your car.

~Sveedish

Have you ever been at work, enjoying a nice snack of animal crackers while returning emails, finishing super fun reports, etc when you drop one of the crackers down into your cleavage? And then you push back your head to see how deep the little monkey has fallen, then pull your shirt from your chest and reach into to the depths to retrieve it? And then a new faculty member pops into your office to learn about health insurance options while your hand is very conspicuously rooting around between your boobs? Awesome.

~Bee-Spot

How can ANYONE be expected to go to work when there's a cat lying on your chest, eyes almost closed, purring?

~Stuff That Bugs Me

When a male coworker asks what you have in the bag from the microwave, he doesn't really want to know that you were steam-sterilizing breastpump parts.

~Postcards from Motherhood

The Ladies room is shared by 40 of my closest co-workers...Sometimes I walk in there and the joint is rank and I'm tempted to just get on the PA system and say: "Attention library employees. If something is tearing the ass out of you and you're going to blow it up in the Ladies room, for the love of God woman, USE THE SPRAY so I don't feel like I've just stepped into your rotting colon. Thank you."

~Crissy

Before I was a mother, I worked eight hours a day, five days a week. Now that I'm a mother, I work 14 hours a day, seven days a week.

~Believer in Balance

Why oh why is the day I go back to work more beautiful than the day I had off?

~Every Little Thing

You may like dinosaurs now, son, but you won't like working for one when you grow up.

~Always Home & Uncool

Note to Self: Remember from now on that whenever you watch "Breakfast at Tiffany's" you will be calling everyone "daaaahling" for at least 2 days. It's an undesired side-effect that will embarrass you in several occasions especially when you speak to your boss…

~Therapy in the Making

Take a big cup of strong coffee with an equal amount of Baileys, mix it all together and voila! You have a pretty relaxing workday!

~The Road Less Unraveled

I punished the world for making me work by wearing corduroys, sneakers, and NO MAKEUP. Oy, the blotchy skin tone and the red-rimmed eyes and middle-aged frumpiness. TAKE THAT, WORLD!

~Miz S

I glued myself to a tacky Christmas ornament at work in July and spent two hours trying to help customers without letting on that my right-handed self had a ceramic puppy driving a choo-choo train glued to her right hand.

~Schmutzie's Milkmoney or Not, Here I Come

If you are unhappy in your job, quit. If you're looking for some new air, move. If you want a new look, cut it off.

~Starving Artist

I woke up this morning like every other day, wishing I didn't have to work for a living!

~Not Just Nouns and Verbs

Talent alone will never get it and neither will hard work, despite the lies that we tell our children.

~Novel Eye