Blogtations

Craptitude begets craptitude.

~From the Planet of Janet

I feel thin. Isn't weight like age? You're only as thin as you feel?

~Baby Tunnel Exodus

Cussing is such a delicious vice, an art form if done properly. I'd rather someone call me a [BLEEP] with a smile on their face than to say SHUT UP and mean it.

~Chicken Fried Therapy

Imagine what a chainsaw trapped in a bucket of mucus sounds like. Yea. Got it? Now try sleeping next to that.

~The Housewife Diaries

How sad to learn that you have made your sister angry by discovering that you are no longer on her Top Friends list on MySpace.

~Sojourner's Truths

If you can flip yourself into the air and execute a triple somersault before landing effortlessly in a split, WHY on earth would you follow such a thing with rolling around on the mat while doing little fluttery hand movements that cause me to wonder if you're covered with fire ants…?

~Woulda Coulda Shoulda

Religion is the only thing

Religion is the only thing that I don't like organized.

~Shamelessly Sassy

Pencil stubs just disturb me.

~Two Boys, a Husband (a Cat, a Dog) and Me...

Today I heard something I thought I longed to hear. "Go away, Mommy. I wanna play alone." It wasn't as great as I'd hoped.

~Mrs. Flinger 

I was innocently doing my grocery shopping and I turned down the chip aisle, heading straight for the Doritos. Suddenly, I was gasping, coughing, and my eyes began to water. I had just walked into someone else's fart cloud. There were three or four people further down the aisle in front of me, none of whom were looking particularly guilty. Worse, there were two people coming up behind me. Damn the Doritos! Full speed ahead! I didn’t want them to think I did it!

~Green Eggs and Pam

April rain: plants likey.
Plants happy: I happy.

~A Daily Dose of Zen Sarcasm

I wore sneakers and sweats to my wedding. My husband wore jeans, engineer boots and a green t-shirt with a skull silk-screen. When our daughter married he wore a full black tux, and I wore a black designer suit and heels. We've come a long way.

~Blogjem

To the woman who keeps leaving a pile of toilet paper next to the toilet in the woman's bathroom. Stop it!

~Dancing About Architecture 

Blogging from a Blackberry in a moving car should be an Olympic sport.

~Momisodes

I temporarily lost my mind last night while we were at the mall and went into Forever 21. Who was I kidding? I think that store ought to be named "Hideously Unflattering to Everyone Over 21."

~Hairline Fracture

When he graduated high school, he said to me: "Mom, I bet you'd thought you would never see this day." To which I replied, because I'm quick that way: "Oh, I knew I would see the day. I just wasn't sure how old you would be when I saw it."

~Psychicgeek

There are just some truths that are best left private.

~JulieUnplugged

Does Mother Nature have a customer complaint department?

~Play Groups are No Place for Children

My head feels like it could implode at any moment, or maybe explode - I am not clear on which - but it hurts whatever 'ploding it is going to do.

~Mommas Tantrum (who can now be found here)

How is it that you can never remember what mom just asked you to do 15 seconds ago, but can effortlessly recall a keyboard shortcut I showed you last weekend for your Lego Star Wars II video game?

~Busy Dad