Blogtations

I opened my eyes

I opened my eyes to see her looking at me so intently. She was taking in every angle of my face as if trying to memorize every line. It took my breath away to realize how closely she watches me, how often she copies what I say or do, and how much we love each other. There is an incredible bond that exists between mothers and daughters. She held my face in her hands for a few more seconds and gently said, "Mama?" "Yes, baby?" "You have a big hair growing out of your chin."

~Big Mama

Foot radar

Whenever I go barefoot in the house, my feet seem to be magically attracted to anything on the floor that shouldn't be there, like needles, thorns, teeny pieces of glass, staples...If something little is lost, I know all I need to do is take off my shoes, and I'll find it in no time. Who needs a metal detector when I have foot-radar?

~May You Lead An Interesting Life

Toddler ears

I'm convinced toddler ears are tuned to a special frequency that allows them to hear the opening of a package of candy from anywhere in the house.

~Momma Says

Despite lingering economic woes

Despite lingering economic woes, my forehead continues to pursue its aggressive expansion agenda. Analysts believe that the forehead's success is based on its ability to make infill acquisitions in areas that had previously been dominated by its main competitor, the hair group, which has been hit by massive layoffs.

~Cup O' Joe

Do you ever get the feeling

Do you ever get the feeling your brain is curled up just rocking back and forth in a corner of your head, banging its frontal lobe on your skull, maybe moaning a little?

~Graze If You Want To, But Don't Eat Dirt

Would make Tony Soprano blush

Tell me, how can I fall with the full force of my body, crack my head on solid concrete, and not have so much as even a tiny headache and YET when the shampoo bottle falls on my foot in the shower, the pain causes me to spew expletives that would make Tony Soprano blush AND I have a giant bruise on my foot for 3 weeks?

~I Do Things So You Don't Have To

Accessories are like nipples

Accessories are like nipples. Two of 'em are totally cool but any more than that and you look ridiculous.

~The Typing Makes Me Sound Busy

Did you ever notice

Did you ever notice how many things no one tells you about parenting before you have kids? I'm not talking about how you'll never sleep again. Plenty of people told me that. No, I mean the little things. For instance, no one ever told me that I would actually say things like, "You're not allowed to stick your finger in the dog's butt."

~Momo Fali

Everything in Disney World

Everything in Disney World is shaped like Mickey Mouse's head. Sandwiches, plates, pancakes. I was honestly afraid to ask for a tampon.

~The Bloggess

It has recently become glaringly apparent

500th Blogtation!

It has recently become glaringly apparent to me that blogging, unfortunately, is not a cardio-vascular activity. Imagine my chagrin. In fact, not only does writing not get your heart rate up and whittle your waistline, it appears that it can actually give you a big ol' blogger's butt. Or so I've heard.

~Baby Bloomr

I came close to being crushed to death

I came close to being crushed to death this morning by my rolling bookcases. One of my senior citizen volunteers didn't realize I was in between them looking for a copy of Gossip Girl I knew I had stored somewhere, and started pushing the bookcases together. My shirt got snagged on the corner of the shelf and suddenly, very quickly, my face was crammed against a classroom set of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and my left ribs were crushed by an oversized atlas of North America...Finally I managed to rip myself free, twisting my ankle in the process...I haven't come that close to death since 2005, after a harrowing adventure in re-shelving books.

~Nancy Pearl Wannabe

When I was in grade school I picked my nose

When I was in grade school I picked my nose and collected the boogers in my desk, at the end of the school year we needed to scrub down all the desks. It was gross. I quit picking my nose. Ok, fine, I didn't quit picking, but I quit saving the boogers.

~Insane Mama

My run-up went wrong as usual

My run-up went wrong (as usual) and I baulked at the last minute. I sailed over the stupid vault head-first horizontally and landed on my tummy on the crash mat. My body, obeying Newton's first law of motion, kept sailing forwards while my lycra leotard, bothered by its own frictional coefficient, remained where it first made contact with the rubbery surface of the mat. And the physicists wrote a new law involving Collective Attention being drawn to the Point of Exposed Breasts. Or something.

~Killing a Fly with a Ukulele is Probably the Wrong Thing To Do

I was thinking

I was thinking that my neighbors had been cooking something particularly stinky for dinner tonite and I was getting rather annoyed by the strength of the smell. Until I realized that the discomfiting stench was actually a piece of salmon that had fallen in my cleavage while I was eating my own dinner.

~Pilgrimsteps

I'm hoping someone can tell me why

I'm hoping someone can tell me why, for the love of God, I can't eat a piece of bread or a granola bar or anything producing crumbs without ending up with said crumbs in my bra, leaving me with itchy, crumb-y boobs that are as bad, if not worse, than the post-haircut hairy boobs. And by hairy boobs, I mean full of hair cut from my head, not Yeti-like nipples.

~Jonniker

If there is any place in the world

If there is any place in the world where a person is likely to contract a rash, it would stand to reason it might be a place where it's a common practice to carry your Marlboro Lights in your cleavage.

~Big Mama

I am afraid of earrings

I am afraid of earrings. I have vivid hallucinations about them getting caught on something and causing my earlobes to rip open and spew gore everywhere.

~Manager Mom

When all my teeth fall out

My 3yo: "When all my teeth fall out then I'll be a grown up."

~To Think is to Create

Have you ever been at work

Have you ever been at work, enjoying a nice snack of animal crackers while returning emails, finishing super fun reports, etc when you drop one of the crackers down into your cleavage? And then you push back your head to see how deep the little monkey has fallen, then pull your shirt from your chest and reach into to the depths to retrieve it? And then a new faculty member pops into your office to learn about health insurance options while your hand is very conspicuously rooting around between your boobs? Awesome.

~Bee-Spot

Do not wear to yoga: Baggy t-shirt

Do not wear to yoga: Baggy t-shirt. For a very simple reason; a large number of yoga poses involve a version of standing on your head. When you stand on your head in a baggy t-shirt, your shirt falls over your face, and your belly hangs down. Not exactly the perfect scenario for true yoga enlightenment, relaxation, and ease—let me assure you.

~Absolutely Bananas