Blogtations

You really know you're nearing forty if...

You really know you're nearing forty if someone asks, "Is that a tattoo?" and you reply, "No, it's a spider vein."

~Momo Fali

Perimenopause

Perimenopause is a lot like having PMS 365 days a year.

~Communicatrix

Did my wild and untamed spirit die

Did my wild and untamed spirit die the day I bought chocolate Calcium Supplement chews?

~I Heard Tell

I can't remember jack

I can't remember jack. One of the things about ageing, besides saggy boobs and WTF hairs, is you begin to surprise yourself with how that heavy sonofabitch sitting on your shoulders stops functioning at optimum levels.

~Blue Streak

Crap

Yesterday as I walked through the ER waiting room I stopped in my tracks at the magazine rack - sitting there prominently among the donated periodicals was a magazine called "CRAP". Well, I THOUGHT it said "Crap". Obviously my dyslexic brain was at it again. In fact, the magazine was titled "CARP". Carp. "The magazine for Canada's Association for the 50 Plus." Um, someone needs to inform them that DOESN'T spell CARP. I think it should be CRAP. As in "Holy, crap! I'm 50!!"

~I'd Rather Be Blogging

I am too old to wear jeans

I am too old to wear jeans with a brand name like Acne, and I'm too young to need Depends or face spackle. I would say I'm somewhere between bootcut Levi's and fine lines.

~Momo Fali

They say that you are only as old as you feel

They say that you are only as old as you feel. I say, bullshit. How old you are is how long it takes you to recover from a hangover.

~Miss Britt

Occasionally, I google "cabins in the woods"

Occasionally, I google "cabins in the woods" and daydream about places I think I can runaway. Then, something breaks through my fantasy state and I realize I would need an income, which leads me to google, "jobs in mountain towns". Realizing I wouldn't be able to afford makeup or hair color, I search: "Bland, gray haired ladies working at park services". Well, heck, with that sort of income and the cost of living by then, there goes the health club membership. Okay, so I google, "Crooked old ladies in the woods." Then I realize I wouldn't be rockin' a solid health insurance plan, which I would need if I were killing game for food. How about "Into the Geriatric Wild" ... Aren't you glad I'm not your financial planner?

~Sherri Talley

The older I get

The older I get, the more past there is to try to save...while my capacity for storage—both physical and emotional capacity—diminishes, in seemingly equal measure. Holding on is a losing strategy. Not that there's any winning strategy, of course.

~Oblivio

I am absolutely too young

I am absolutely too young to have a high school student. Do you hear me? is this thing on?? Sigh. I cannot be old. I wear cool shoes! I listen to hip music. I wear semi-fashionable clothes...I am not old. Repeat it with me.

~Send Chocolate

No one gets old

No one gets old if they finger paint.

~BananaBlueberry

The estrogen death march

The estrogen death march continues as I wander around my house looking for something. What the fuck am I looking for?! I open the fridge. I walk back to my room. I go back to the fridge. Do I want cookies? Alcohol? Rice pudding? Popcorn? Maybe that was it. Maybe I came in here to get popcorn. No. I’m not even hungry. So what is it then? Am I tired? Am I lonely? Am I bored? What time is it? Shouldn't I be doing something right now? Am I late for something? Do I need to be somewhere? What day is it? Where am I?

~Seed Book

36 doesn't sound so old

36 doesn't sound so old until I realized that 18 years ago I was 18.

~Hot Coffee Girl

I am unusually tired and hot flashy lately and keep having to remind myself that I am most certainly old enough to be experiencing The Perimenopause. I went to a Barry Manilow concert and liked it; one would think that would tip me off.

~Plain-Jane

I temporarily lost my mind last night while we were at the mall and went into Forever 21. Who was I kidding? I think that store ought to be named "Hideously Unflattering to Everyone Over 21."

~Hairline Fracture

When I was in my 20's I just knew I wouldn't make it to 50. And here I am 3 years away. A full grown beautiful woman who has finally found unconditional love from a man (granted he is only four and that's going to totally change, but...hey!).

~Not Just Nouns and Verbs

If you are over the age of 40, take two baby aspirin. I find these are particularly beneficial if taken with a margarita.

~Momo Fali's

You know you've reached "a certain age" when your birthday breakfast in bed consists of a heaping bowl of Fiber One.

~Tales from My Tiny Kingdom

On January 12, in less than a week, I will turn 35.  It does not escape my notice that this is the age at which Dante Alighieri went to hell.

~The Search for Love in Manhattan

I use to wonder when I'd be too old to sit on the sidewalk. Now I know it's when you can't get back up.

~Loose Leaf Notes