Blogtations

The washing machine

The washing machine does the watusi in the spin cycle so bad I have to sit on it to keep it from moving into the kitchen.

~Like a Monkey Doin' a Math Problem

233,573,847 things

There are approximately 233,573,847 things I would rather do when I get home from work than clean my house.

~Mindy Does Minneapolis

140-million-year-old spider web

Oxford University paleobiologist Martin Brasier recently discovered a 140-million-year-old spider web. A real find and further proof that I'm not the only second-rate housekeeper.

~Formerly Fun

My sister's cleaning OCD

My sister's cleaning OCD is so severe that you can now see the fingerprints from the carpenter who built her French side tables in 1879.

~Hollywood: Where Hot Comes to Die

A made bed and a clean sink

A made bed and a clean sink won't solve everything, but they make it easier to deal with almost anything.

~Communicatrix

I love writing

I love writing. It's harder than breathing, but easier than doing the dishes.

~Writer Dad

Neglecting housework

Neglecting housework is an excellent way to maximize knitting time.

~Yarn Harlot

There are those days

There are those days when it is simply easier to go to the store and buy new socks rather than wash all the ones in the hamper.

~Stop Screaming I'm Driving

Please don't try to load my dishwasher

Please don't try to load my dishwasher. What will happen is I will hover over you, rub my hands together, turn my feet in and bite my tongue. After you're done, I will wait 43 seconds before I do it again, the way I like to have it done.

~Bread Crumbs in the Butter

Dear children

Dear children: YES. You have to do the dishes AND clean your rooms today. I am about to take you and your friends to the "Fun park". Do you know how much your average adult likes going to the "Fun Park"? About as much as getting a yeast infection with a chaser of hemorrhoids.

~Loralee's Looney Tunes

Operation Clean Out the Freezer

Operation Clean Out the Freezer in '08 has begun. Today for lunch I ate a personal pan pizza from 1999.

~The Thing Is...

Before washing a plate

Before washing a plate, it must be rinsed off to the point that it is completely clean. Food particles floating around in the dishwater—especially if I touch one—will make me go into convulsions.

~I Do Things So You Don't Have To

You and I may have different ideas

You and I may have different ideas about what exactly “bite the bullet” means in the context of house cleaning. To you, it might mean setting aside an entire day to clean the hell out of your house: scraping dried pancake batter from the ceiling, vacuuming up cat toys, and shoveling out the dust from behind the sofa. To me, “bite the bullet” means finally just bending down and picking up that piece of green pepper on the floor instead of kicking it out of my way 100 times a day.

~I Do Things So You Don't Have To

My husband cleaned the bathrooms

My husband cleaned the bathrooms, God bless him, but broke the toilet seat off one of the toilets. How is this possible? Broke an entire toilet seat off its hinges? Men, if you're going to help clean the house, don't do it in the manner you would, say, play football. Cleaning a toilet needn't be a race nor a destructive act. It just needs to be wiped down — gently.

~The Junk Drawer

I break out in bitch

I break out in bitch when exposed to clutter.

~Juggling Life

How is it that the little people

How is it that the little people in my house can destroy a whole days worth of work in a matter of 2 hours?

~Baby Tunnel Exodus

My imaginary cleaning lady is usually here every Saturday, but this weekend I was busy imagining a vacation in Cuacao with my cabana boy, Hans, so I didn't have time to imagine a tidy house.

~Halushki

It's amazing how much laundry can pile up and how odd my outfits become when we ignore washing our clothes for, say, 2 years.

~Imaginary Binky

Guess what fell out of the dryer when I went to fold laundry yesterday? My iPod Shuffle. It's clean as a whistle and deader than a doornail.

~Mama Tulip 

Cleaning is the primary way I deal with stress, and if you go back and look at the last four years of my life and make a graph of my stress, you can pretty much assume that at any given moment in those four years you could have run your tongue along the floor from the living room through the kitchen into the bedroom and it would have tasted like rainbows.

~Dooce