Blogtations

I am 34 years old

I am 34 years old. I have been wearing mascara for roughly 20 years now. I would say I apply mascara at least 360 days of the year. That allows for 72,000 mascara applications (I'm not even counting the days when I reapply or go out at night and put it on twice in one day). I would think that this would be enough applications that I am able to do it without poking myself in the eye with the mascara wand. I would be wrong to think that.

~Be Careful What You Wish For

Would make Tony Soprano blush

Tell me, how can I fall with the full force of my body, crack my head on solid concrete, and not have so much as even a tiny headache and YET when the shampoo bottle falls on my foot in the shower, the pain causes me to spew expletives that would make Tony Soprano blush AND I have a giant bruise on my foot for 3 weeks?

~I Do Things So You Don't Have To

I came close to being crushed to death

I came close to being crushed to death this morning by my rolling bookcases. One of my senior citizen volunteers didn't realize I was in between them looking for a copy of Gossip Girl I knew I had stored somewhere, and started pushing the bookcases together. My shirt got snagged on the corner of the shelf and suddenly, very quickly, my face was crammed against a classroom set of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and my left ribs were crushed by an oversized atlas of North America...Finally I managed to rip myself free, twisting my ankle in the process...I haven't come that close to death since 2005, after a harrowing adventure in re-shelving books.

~Nancy Pearl Wannabe

One thing about losing that walking cane and limping along instead is that people no longer look me in the eye. They are afraid that I may have some sort of mangled, shriveled up appendage under the denim of my jeans and to stare would be rude. I feel like wearing a sign that says, "Accidental Owner of Plate and Six Screws. Don't Worry, It's Not Contagious!" but I can't bring myself to put the word "screw" and "contagious" on the same sign and wear it around my neck!

~Becca's Fresh Fruit