Blogtations

I opened my eyes

I opened my eyes to see her looking at me so intently. She was taking in every angle of my face as if trying to memorize every line. It took my breath away to realize how closely she watches me, how often she copies what I say or do, and how much we love each other. There is an incredible bond that exists between mothers and daughters. She held my face in her hands for a few more seconds and gently said, "Mama?" "Yes, baby?" "You have a big hair growing out of your chin."

~Big Mama

Mommy should under no circumstances...

First, mommy should under no circumstances fill a brightly colored cup with whipped cream, sugar, carmel, mocha, and coffee, drink about two-thirds of it, and then leave it within climbing distance. Second, you never, ever, ever want to be anywhere near a toddler that has drunk a third of a cup of coffee. Ever. Third, coffee is a fairly effective diarrhetic.

~Dadicals

The Earth simply could not rotate without me

Apparently, I am absolutely fundamental to the continuance of life as we know it. Completely irreplaceable. The Earth simply could not rotate without me. In fact, every time I drift off to sleep, the planet plaintively calls out, "Mum! MUM!" and I have to stagger in to push its axis up to speed again. "Remember to tilt at 33 1/3 degrees," I mumble as I stumble back to my bed and collapse asleep, secure in the knowledge that I've saved the world - again.

~Graze If You Want To But Don't Eat Dirt

This job is so freaking hard

This job is so freaking hard, and I have a feeling my performance review is not going to set me up for a promotion. Although, really, what do you get promoted to from Mother? God?

~You Get What You Get

My six year old son climbed up on my lap and asked

My six year old son climbed up on my lap and asked, "Mom, why did God make me, and why did He make you, and why did He put me here?" I said, "Well, God made you to be my son, and He made me to be your mother. And, He must love me very much because I sure am lucky to have you. I wouldn't want any other little boy in the whole world to be mine." He replied, "Oh...but, can I get another Mom?"

~Momo Fali

I'm such a novice at this kindergarten thing

I'm such a novice at this kindergarten thing. I'm the mom who forgets the hat and sunscreen, who sends a snack that requires a spoon, who arrives five minutes late for the second day of kindergarten because, as it turns out, fifteen minutes ahead of time is not soon enough to start bundling a four-year-old and a three-year-old into the car for a three-minute drive.

~Bub and Pie

One of the oddest moments in a woman's life

One of the oddest (and perhaps most inevitable) moments in a woman's life is that random Wednesday that you wake up, look in the mirror, and realize that you have turned into your mother.

~Manager Mom

I changed and nursed a surprisingly fussy little girl

At about 9, I changed and nursed a surprisingly fussy little girl. When I lifted her to my shoulder to burp, I was pleased to hear a big one. And then I felt something warm run DOWN. MY. BACK. Oh, and wait. In my hair. All over my pillow. All over the sheets. I wiped everything off and got dressed. Then I brushed out my solidified hair. Whatever. I think part of being a mommy is that you smell like barf most of the time. Still, there's nothing like a little barf in your butt-crack first thing in the morning, right?

~Haiku Baby

When I was a brand-new first-time Mum

When I was a brand-new first-time Mum, I learned that the worst part of being terribly short-sighted is changing dirty nighttime nappies. Without contact lenses, you have to get extremely close to the -err- project to do a good cleanup job. And of course, 'extremely close' is the least desirable place to be.

~Killing a Fly with a Ukulele is Probably the Wrong Thing to Do

Why babies cry so much

New mothers often wonder why babies cry so much, and can't sleep for long stretches without requiring their parents' input. I don't wonder anymore. I know why. Babies require regular input because mothers must not be allowed to sleep for long periods of time. Certainly they must never be allowed to sleep and sleep until they have enough and are fully rested. And this is why: If a mother allowed her body to sleep until it woke up of its own accord, she would starve to death.

~Killing a Fly with a Ukulele is Probably the Wrong Thing to Do

Before I was a mother

Before I was a mother, I worked eight hours a day, five days a week. Now that I'm a mother, I work 14 hours a day, seven days a week.

~Believer in Balance

Folks, my cup runneth over with mucus

Folks, my cup runneth over with mucus and I am now that proverbial mommy with shmears of snot decorating her clothes. It looks as if I have been herding snails over here.

~Rancid Raves

Like heroin chic, only with less pep

Like heroin chic, only with less pep, mommy chic seems destined to find its way to the pages of Vogue, where concealer will be so last year, replaced by products that accentuate under-eye circles.

~Suburban Kamikaze

Remember

Remember, mommy is always 2 seconds away from crazy.

~Miss Britt

Just when I was getting

Just when I was getting the hang of the whole motherhood thing, just when she had learned to hang up the towel in the bathroom and put her dishes in the dishwasher, she up and left for college.

~Miz S

Motherhood is

Motherhood is an emotional rollercoaster ride with all the highs and lows, twists and turns, and nauseating moments you get from the one at your local amusement park. However, unlike your typical two-minute ride, this one lasts a lifetime and begins moments after you pee on a stick.

~Believer in Balance

Motherhood has changed me

Motherhood has changed me. Before I became a mother, I was the sort of person who would cautiously nibble the toes off a gingerbread man first. Now that I'm a mother, the first thing I do is maul the head off.

~Killing a Fly with a Ukulele is Probably the Wrong Thing to Do

Motherhood doesn't automatically come with the knowledge of how to clean up vomit.

~Ashley's Closet