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*sniff*

How come anytime someone smells something gross, they smell it more? *sniff* "What's that smell?" *sniff* *sniff* "Do you smell that? It smells gross." Then everyone in the room starts to breathe deep. WTF is that?

~Julie, Cool Mom Guide
(guest posting on Cool Dad Central)

Dear Glade

Dear Glade,

I am asking—no, begging—you to come up with a Houseguests Be Gone spray. I think it would make a lovely addition to your fine family of products. It would also make my year. I don't care about the scent. It can be fish butt musk or banana cream skunk. It really doesn't matter. As long as it makes guests sniff the air and exclaim, "Gee! I must be hitting the road."

~Frogs in My Formula

I've been craving an apple

For the better part of a day, I've been craving an apple. Not just any apple–a big red macintosh apple cut up into pieces for me to devour in an easy manner. I thought this was because the secretary that sits outside of my office had an apple. I wondered how an apple so small could create such a big fragrance that would have me, sitting in my office, drooling over its delicious scent. Then I remembered...I put an air freshener in here today...The scent? Macintosh Apple. Sometimes it takes me awhile to be as clever as the average bear.

~A Perfectly Cursed Life

I was thinking

I was thinking that my neighbors had been cooking something particularly stinky for dinner tonite and I was getting rather annoyed by the strength of the smell. Until I realized that the discomfiting stench was actually a piece of salmon that had fallen in my cleavage while I was eating my own dinner.

~Pilgrimsteps

Nothing smells worse

Nothing smells worse than kids' Tevas that have gotten soaked in salt water and then dried wrong. Putting them on the next day is like strapping rotting moose asses to your kids' feet.

~TwoBusy

I was innocently doing my grocery shopping and I turned down the chip aisle, heading straight for the Doritos. Suddenly, I was gasping, coughing, and my eyes began to water. I had just walked into someone else's fart cloud. There were three or four people further down the aisle in front of me, none of whom were looking particularly guilty. Worse, there were two people coming up behind me. Damn the Doritos! Full speed ahead! I didn’t want them to think I did it!

~Green Eggs and Pam

I hate onions. I think they should be banned from all food products. Please explain to me why anyone would eat something that smells like old feet and a sweaty-man's B.O.

~Ordinary Art